emo-politics

I really want to start using this more, to be able to use this as a way to express myself etc. There are people like Alex who will update their blog automatically, it's second nature to them. For me this is still very forced, my first medium has always been video making and I guess in my head this feels like a backward step, but I think it is important for me to learn how to get my thoughts down on the proverbial paper, rather than just being able to speak about.

I am going to tell you a little story;

It is fair to say that my politics tends to land left of centre, which some people will argue means that I enjoy having money taken away from me and spent on things that will not benefit me in any way... and they are more or less right.

My family however is very right wing. They are pretty much all conservative, and with me as the only socialist at the table it makes for... let's say, 'heated' debate at family get-togethers. It will often start with my Grandad asking something along the lines of:

"So, Jazza. What do you think of so and so that has been happening in the political scene"

And as a subject matter that I see myself as very clued up on (current affairs) a comment like this is a life line for me in the midst of deep conversation about how many bogey they got on the new golf course in Chelmsford and their profound thoughts into the future of English cricket (snoooooooore). Understandably, I nearly always take the bait.

Now, those of you that watch me on YouTube will know I am quite good at putting my point across, in my videos and in real life conversation I am quite good at sounding knowledgeable about 'current affairs'.

However, when that moment comes, my Grandad throws me the barbed hook and I step up to the plate in an atmosphere of great drama akin to cross between Mastermind and Gladiator

I choke.

For some reason, when faced with my Grandfather's very strong opinions, all of a sudden my opinion is void. I feel like my view doesn't equate to anything and the best retort to one of his epic speeches, that will sometimes last more than ten minutes, will be something along the lines of:

"... I'm not sure I agree with you."

I am unable to articulate, as I would normally be able to in normal conversation. And the worst thing is I begin to question my own values and ethics when faced against him and his views...

I used to hate politics, and this is why:

I didn't believe that it was possible to define yourself as either right or left, Conservative or Labour, Republican or Democrat. And I thought I had finally found my niche in the centre left. But the more I have to try and prove my chosen position in the political spectrum, the more I find myself shooting blanks, and unable to back up my own views. I identify with the left I really do, but there are parts of the right that I completely empathise with as well.

Am I going to have to try and find my niche all over again? Or am I destined to just float around in politics, not sure which side of the fence to jump in to.

I think this entry could be defined as emo-politics.

Jaz